Posts Tagged ‘dating’


Yesterday, while standing in line at Deli de Luca (my favourite nom nom store in Oslo!) to pay for my superyummidelicious blueberry smoothie, a guy behind me in line started talking to me. Conversation went something like this:

“Those smoothies are good”
“Yes.”
“I like blueberry”
“Ok..”
“Do you prefer blueberry?”
“Erm, I guess so, yes.”
“I like your eyes. Maybe I can call you?”
“Uh…No, I don’t think so.”


I’m not trying to sound picky and it IS of course nice when people tell you nice things but… one smoothie remark and right on to the calling part? I know it’s been a while since I’ve dated, but I still think it requires some more, no? Not to mention he was creepy and stared at everything but my eyes, so no way he could tell whether he liked them or not! Today, I came over a blog thingie about a girl making a profile on an online dating site and met a guy who was different from what she thought, I’ll just paste it and hope I won’t abuse any copyrights, it’s from http://gizmodo.com/.

My Brief OkCupid Affair With a World Champion Magic: The Gathering Player
Earlier this month, I came home drunk and made an OKCupid profile. What the hell, I thought. I’m busy, I’m single, and everybody’s doing it. Sure, I’d heard some stories, but what was the worst that could happen?
Two weeks into my online dating experiment, OKCupid had broken me down. It was like the online equivalent to hanging out alone in a dark, date-rapey bar. Every time I signed on, I was hit by a barrage of creepy messages. “Dem gurl u so foine, iwud lik veru much for me nd u to be marry n procreate.” Or “your legs do look strong.” So when I saw an IM from a guy named Jon that said, “You should go out with me :)” I was relieved. He seemed normal. I gave him my name. “Google away,” I said. Then dinner was ready, and I signed off without remembering to do the same.
We met for a drink later that week. Jon was thin and tall, dressed in a hedge fund uniform with pale skin and pierced ears. We started talking about normal stuff—family, work, college. I told him my brother was a gamer. And then he casually mentioned that he played Magic: The Gathering when he was younger.
“Actually,” he paused. “I’m the world champion.”
I laughed. Oh that’s a funny joke! I thought. This guy is funny! But the earnest look on his face told me he wasn’t kidding.
I gulped my beer and thought about Magic, that strategic collectible card game involving wizards and spells and other detailed geekery. A long-forgotten fad, like pogs or something. But before I could dig deeper, we had to go. Jon had bought us tickets for a one-man show based on serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer’s life story. It was not a particularly romantic evening.
The next day I Googled my date and a wealth of information flowed into my browser. A Wikipedia page! Competition videos! Fanboy forums comparing him to Chuck Norris! This guy isn’t just some professional who dabbled in card games at a tender age. He’s Jon motherfucking Finkel, the man who is so widely revered in the game of Magic that he’s been immortalized in his own playing card.
 
Just like you’re obligated to mention you’re divorced or have a kid in your online profile, shouldn’t someone also be required to disclose any indisputably geeky world championship titles? But maybe it was a long time ago? We met for round two later that week.
At dinner I got straight down to it. Did he still play? “Yes.” Strike one. How often? “I’m preparing for a tournament this weekend.” Strike two. Who did he hang out with? “I’ve met all my best friends through Magic.” Strike three. I smiled and nodded and listened. Eventually I even felt a little bit bad that I didn’t know shit about the game. Here was a guy who had dedicated a good chunk of his life to mastering Magic, on a date with a girl who can barely play Solitaire. This is what happens, I thought, when you leave things out of your online profile.
 
I later found out that Jon infiltrated his way into OKCupid dates with at least two other people I sort of know, including one of my co-workers. Mothers, warn your daughters! This could happen to you. You’ll think you’ve found a normal bearded guy with a job, only to end up sharing goat cheese with a guy who takes you to a one-man show based on Jeffrey Dahmer’s life story.
Maybe I’m an OKCupid asshole for calling it that way. Maybe I’m shallow for not being able to see past Jon’s world title. I’ll own that. But there’s a larger point here: that judging people on shallow stuff is human nature; one person’s Magic is another person’s fingernail biting, or sports obsession, or verbal tic. No online dating profile in the world is comprehensive enough to highlight every person’s peccadillo, or anticipate the inane biases that each of us lugs around. There’s no snapshot in the world that can account for our snap judgments.
So what did I learn? Google the shit out of your next online date. Like, hardcore.
 

Ok, so I don’t know if this Jon actually did anything else apart from playing Magic, but let’s say he was funny and smart and likeable, what’s wrong with that hobby? I have to admit I google people myself, but I have certainly found worse things than that (as mentioned in my “I’m so fed up with love and want to qq about it” post). And what’s wrong with going to a Jeffrey Damher one-man show? I think that sounded interesting- I’d be happy to be taken anywhere actually, as long as we had a good time I don’t care if would be in Burger King,  a fancy restaurant or just drinking coffee on a park bench. I think “geeks” can be quite attractive, maybe because I am one myself? As long as the person is having some kind of real life also, it’s all cool bananas. Must agree with  this guy who commented on the original post:

She dumped him? Why? Dude looks badass. Confidence and fucking magic? She’s high.

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It’s Valentines Day, possibly the most overrated day of all. I don’t know what changed, but somewhere around  the year of 2000 Norway was invaded by this day that forces heart-shaped creations upon us. Even in WoW it’s impossible to escape, thanks to Love is in the Air event. I bet most people don’t know the origin of the day, anyway. Which is nothing to be ashamed of, since no one actyally seem to be quite sure who Saint Valentine was, what he did or what actually happened to him. Never the less why it’s a good day to buy tacky, fluffy I-Love-You pillows. Some says he was a priest who conducted marriages, secretly, since marriages were forbidden by an evil emperor who wanted an army of single men.  Some says he was a monk who brought children back to life, while others says he was a roman who refused to abandon his Christian believes and died on February 14th. No matter which version is correct, it’s hard to see why it should be related to chubby, naked angels  firing arrows and stuffed animals holding hearts.

Love is money, friend!

I don’t think I’ve ever been a fan of Valentine’s Day, which is why I will be spending it very neutrally by working late. I have been single for pretty exactly one year, which is a personal record for me ever since I was 20. And I must say, feels pretty good sometimes. At least less pressure. No need to try make another person happy, no grief, tears or misery when that plan fails. I think the only people Valentine’s day are good for, are the newly in love ones. Must be nice to walk hand in hand surrounded by hearts and other symbols of love when you still are in that floating on air / living in a bubble phase, but for other ones.., pretty sucky! If you are alone it’s a huge reminder of the fact that you are unloved. If you have been dumped recently, it’s just cruel. But hey, these ones are the lucky ones! Way better than Valentine’s Day while being in a relationship, and then I mean a relationship which has passed the point where you think all your partner’s flaws are cute and adorable. Everywhere you go, you are encouraged to spend your money on glammy crap that will be forgotten within next year.  The pressure of having a perfect date, if you remembered to book a baby sitter and / or a restaurant table some months in advance, that is.  It’s like you are forced to evaluate your relationship, and if  cheap chocolate or a card saying I love you in neon letters make you feel more miserable than romantic,  you are a cold-hearted freak. While Hallmark is laughing all the way to the bank.

I can’t understand why people are so desperate for dates this evening. Dating comes on the “totally sucks” list (right between pugs and Twilight movies)! In attempt to prevent people from trying such horrible things, I will share my own experiences, as a warning. I (not so)proudly present:

Elise’s Worst Dates (top 3):

Less is more? Not always.

Nr 3: The nudist. Guy who was in my film history class at university, and this was the first time we were going to spend some time alone, and not insanely drunk. Which is a shame I wasn’t, cause he thought it would be a good idea to invite me to the beach, which made me feel uncomfortable enough. When I realised it was a nudist beach, it didn’t really help. Date failed.

Erm, no, I have not read Mein Kempf

Nr 2: The nazi. Result of blind date. Seemed very intelligent and well-educated, which he was. We shared an interest in history, and alarm went off when he said it was a tragedy Germany didn’t win WWII. Turned out he was former leader of an illegal, extreme right organisation. Yikes! Date failed.

Brutally dumped

Nr 1: The Valentine. Yes, this is one of the few times I have celebrated Valentine’s day. At least that was the plan. It was our 3rd date, and he invited me to a restaurant. After ordering, he excused himself and went into the bathroom. After 5 minutes I was worried he might have become sick. After 10 minutes I was scared something had happened to him. After 15 minutes, and after going in there to check on him, I was horribly embarrassed when it turned out he had left me at the restaurant. I had to pay for the (untouched) meals and walk home alone. Got some shitty excuse later. Date failed.

 Writing this will probably only prove that I am bitter, negative and cynical Of course I am, hello have we met?  Haven’t always been, though. I have to admit I have done some seriously silly things when it comes to love. Writing poems, making a love book with pictures and notes, writing I love you in 4783 zillions candles outside someone’s house, kidnapping a person at work and take him on a surprise trip to Rome. Stuff like that. But when those feelings are gone, when you fight more than you make love, when you hurt each other more than you respect each other… it just hurts so much and messes up whole damn life, it’s not worth it. And I have said this to myself so many times, it only lasts till you fall in love again. So better not fall at all. And ignore all those little things that try to convince you to, the vibration in a certain persons voice, the way he laughs, the look in his eyes and the 10 000 butterflies flapping their wings inside your stomach. Best not to think about it all, cause there’sno way that it might end well and give you more laughter than tears. Right…?

No matter what you are doing, wishing you a happy Valentine’s day 😀