Sexy males? Can it be done?

Posted: May 12, 2010 in Around Azeroth
Tags: , , ,

The female toons in WoW are hot. My night elf has the stunning breasts, my draenei's curves are close to perfection. The belf looks a bit like a 14 year old girl, but it works for her and shes damn sexy in her own arrogant way. My human lock has nice muscles, big purple eyes and long soft brown hair. And her smile, oh her smile can cause a wipe. 

I have earlier written about statistics when it comes to choosing a toon in WoW, and that 25 % of men chooses to play a female toon. My guildie said “If Im going to spend 5 hours a day watching a butt, I might as well make it a nicelooking one.”

Well said. SInce the male ones cant get close to the females on the hot-o-meter. The Blizzard creators probably spent ages forming the women, and put together the men the last 5 minutes before lunch. Argh!

Another player, Natassah, described the male toons like this:

Male human? Gorilla.
Male undead? Sorry, those bones are not appealing, no pun intended.
Male Nelf? Sorry, those glowy eyes look like something hiding under my bed.
Male Tauren? Food is not sexy.
Male Dwarf? Looks like his face was smashed with a brick.
Male Orc? Sorry, a man with an IQ of 7 squared is not sexy.
Male Gnome? If he's that short, he has to be short everywhere.
Male Troll? The hunchback is good for certain things (teehee), but the tusks are distracting.

This seems to be before Draeneis and Blood Elves, but the words “octopus” and “gay” are common descriptions among these. Did you know the male belfs got more muscles added in a patch to look more male? Kinda sad that big muscles is similar to being masculine, but thats another topic.

I decided to make one male of each race and try make it as irresistible as possible using the limited customize tools. Not cute, not cool, just “come here and undress me”-ish. This is the alliance version, I will do horde next time.

First one up is the dwarf. Most of them are male, and they are known to be strong and raw, a really testoseronboost. Sadly, most of them also look ancient. Different preferences of course, but mine is not getting it on with someone who looks partly like my great-great grandfather, partly like Santa Claus. 

And their beards and hair look sorf of sweaty and dirty. Not being a great fan of facial hair, this just doesnt work for me. Size is not that bad so some point for that. All in all, definately not a winner.

2 on hot-o-meter

Second in test is gnome. Can it be done? Can you feel attracted to someone you can carry in your pocket? Well, if you are gnome yourself the answer is probably yes. But for me, as a draenei? Good thing in attempting making a hot gnome is you can skip the facial hair. So he looks pretty young, which is good. And they come with a nice tan and haircuts that have been seen after birth of Christ. Also plus. Natassah said “if hes that short, he has to be short everywhere”. If his body is somehow proportioned this is probably true. But size isnt everything! And his eyes are kinda sexy imo.

Their weapons seem to scale with their lack of size, so they cant even put on a huge weapon to make girls more interested. Oh, you got shadowmourne? Thought it was your mining pick. Symphaty points for this.
A good 4 on hot-o-meter

Human males. Is it true that they are gorillas? Well, their arms sure are gorillaish. But the lack of body hair and fangs make me forget about this. I kinda think they got sexy thighs, and with some better armor than the noobish one this one is wearing, the results are very good.

Their voices are deep and masculine, and skintones are flattering. They seem a bit confused, or very serious, hard to tell the difference. They might not be the most intellectual ones, so if you are looking for someone to discuss the works of Jean Paul Sarte, you might wanna look elsewhere. This test is not about that either, so human male gets…

5 on hot-o-meter

Male draenies are often referred to as octupus, allthough I think they look more like a big, blue ball. Their arms are awful, but this goes for most toons until now. Seems Blizzard got a thing for steroid arms. I really tried making his head look sexier than this, but this result was best I could do. He looks a bit like a moose, but perhaps he can be rescued by the barber.

These guys come withougt tentacles, so no need to think you have an octopus in your bed (Or wherever you prefer). However, I choose to add some since I love being kissed and tickled on my neck, and I thought these might be exciting at that area. Theres also something majestic with the draeneis, I bet they pay at restaurants and hold up doors. The hooves, not that hot tbh. And their dance is very feminine. Still, theres something exciting about them, and rumours say they are very uhm, well equipped.

A very, very strong 4 on hot-o-meter!

Last, but not least…night elf male. “Sorry, those glowy eyes look like something hiding under my bed”, true or false? Hmm, I dont think I would worry too much about that. In fact, I never fancied make nelfs too much, but I think this one became pretty lovable. I chose a dress for him, and he still look good! Makes it more interesting, wonder what he wears underneath it? Must. Find. Out. Male nelfs look kinda silly when they walk imo. Like they just made an angry poo-poo or got shut in the leg. But in this test very little walking is required, and his sexy shoulders and chest makes up for that anyway. He could have a bit chesthair, which I sort of like, but thats prettu much the only thing I dont like about him.

His hair looks clean and seems to smell good,  his (sigh, gorilla)arms are strong and can probably pick you up, carry you away and put you carefully down in a soft field and…well, lets just say I wouldnt mind! In fact, Im going to give male nelf

6 on the hot-o-meter! Wohoo!

All in all: I think I got lower standrads than Natassah, thats for sure. Must say I got a bit excited after this test was done, almost willing to go back and have another look at the dwarf now! Which male do you prefer? Doesnt matter if you are not female in real life, do tell! Wish you all a hot, steamy night in Azeroth!

  1. […] of all I have to add that they are all females, and as already stated, I don’t think I could ever play a male. So when it comes to favourite race, I am thinking of […]

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